Sunday, June 17, 2018

Distraction or avoidance

I keep saying I'm doing things to keep myself distracted but I'm starting wonder if I'm not doing these things to avoid taking care of some things that I really need to look into. Bills are one example. Wade payed all the bills. We had separate checking accounts and it all came out of his so I never saw what was paid when. I really need to look at what is due for the month but can't get myself to go into his computer. That's another thing, all the bills went to his email so I don't have a paper copy to look at.

Any way, I've been going out for a walk every day, not a fast one, or a long one but one where I head down the road one foot in front of the other. I always have my cell phone on me and I stopped to take a couple pictures on one walk.

This may just sound odd and I know that everyone handles things like this differently but I just feel like I'm acting too normal. Example, I HAD to get my hair cut, it was atrocious as in couldn't have it out of a pony tail it had gotten so bad. Friday morning I drove over to Walmart to get it cut. As I was sitting in the chair while the girl was cutting I thought to myself should I really be here doing this now after what just happened. Maybe I just think too much and need to just let it go because I really need to mow the lawn too but that's another thing that just feels too normal.

35 comments:

  1. First let me say both of these phone photos are AWESOME!!! the roses are stunning. super shots.
    I believe doing NORMAL things is what keeps us sane, when insane things happen. You are right, every person handles things differently. I am like you, I would be doing the normal things and since I would you could and can and will. Keep on putting one foot in front of the other, walk, mow, craft... there is no right way to grieve or get through the day. the right way is YOUR way.... I do understand what you are saying here... nothing is the same and everything is the same and you don't know how you fell or how you should feel.. I am rambling. love you and if you want to do it do it and if you don't don't...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think doing normal things is the way to go. It is good for you to do that to keep yourself going. It is good to have distractions. Nothing wrong with that. Hang in there Ann. Time will heal you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Everyone handles things different....you are keeping your life as normal as you can right now cause that is what you know. Do that if that helps you get through, but do not forget to grieve. It is important that you grieve. I totally recommend that no woman let the man do all the bills, it needs to be something you do together so that what is happening to you does not happen to others. Go slow, this is a major change in your life, a big adjustment. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have always had our own checking accounts. This worked better for me because I gave him so much out of my check to go towards bills. When I was paying the bills and he was giving me money then it was "oh this week I can only give you this much" Nope, not happening, you take over paying them.

      Delete
  4. 'Normal' is what is normal, for you. Each of us grieve in a different way, including anger. Normal may be the way you are keeping it together and doing what needs to be done - basic things like getting a haircut to mowing the lawn or taking photos and editing them - normal - and also allowing you to be quiet within yourself. Allowing you to, almost unconsciously, sort things out, feelings and practicalities, gain perspective, settle in so you can go forward - with everything, feelings and practicalities. The ordinary is comforting, and soothing in it's way, the hard evidence that life, and you, go on.

    Make a list - the most normal and ordinary thing to do. What HAS to be done - those bills, yes. Sit at that computer, paper and pen at hand, take a deep breath, and click. Think of it as a distraction, if you must, but unfortunately, it is something that must be done, much sooner than later.

    And grieve, when and how, it happens. And if it doesn't happen, when and how, others think it should - not your concern. You are your concern. Your life IS all about you right now, perhaps for the first time in a long time. Embrace the YOU.

    And don't forget to laugh. For there will be laughter, perhaps unbidden and unexpected, but it will be there - Embrace that as well.

    Peace to your heart dear lady.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Once again Grace you have all the right words. I did start to dig in to that computer. 2 hours into it I had to walk away trying to figure out his passwords and log in info. He has a book if you can decipher what it all means and says. I made a small dent so that is progress in the right direction.

      Delete
  5. I know your husband would want you to go on as normal.
    Some days will be good and some not so but just keep going Anne.
    Hugs
    Briony
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny thing is I can hear him saying well obviously you don't care. I even spoke out loud to him either today or yesterday when I was doing something and told him to knock it off....lol

      Delete
  6. Doing the ordinary everyday things is what will "save" you from the crazies. you are doing just fine. Life does go on. Love...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear Ann, normal is good . . . I can not imagine your pain, but you are in my prayers. Keep doing what you do on an ordinary day and keep Gibbs close for cuddles. You'll find that you are stronger than you think. Just keep going about your daily life, one step at a time.
    God Bless You.
    Connie :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. There is no right or wrong, Ann. Doing what you do is normal no matter what you do. Just go with it. You're probably in a bit of a fog right now. Things will come together when they come together. You have tons of friends out here and we're here if you need us.

    Have a peaceful day my friend. Big hugs to you and my best to Gibbs. ♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Sandee. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how this new life works

      Delete
  9. What is "normal?" Like everyone has said before me...do what YOU need to do WHEN you want and move at your own pace. Grief doesn't have a set plan or timetable, so who cares? Everyday things have a way of keeping you sane. Mowing the lawn...to me...is a good feeling of something you can control and overcome easily, which right now is a great feeling during a time when I imagine you may be feeling out of control with the events. Take your time, friend. Be gentle on yourself!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lin. You're right the normal is the things I have control over and while doing those I'll figure out how the new things work

      Delete
  10. You do what feels right for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess that's all I can do :)

      Delete
  11. I agree with what others have said. Whatever you want to do, when you want to do it and how you do it is normal. No one else's opinion on normal or even on grief matters. You have to do what is best for you. Yes, the bills are important and Grace's suggestion is spot on but however or whatever else you choose to do is your normal and it's perfectly, well, normal! Self care is most important right now and how you do that is no one else's concern.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Sharla. You're right and quite honestly I've never really cared much what other people thought of me so why should I start now.

      Delete
  12. Everyone handles a death or crisis in they're own way. Don't stop to think what is right...their is no try or doing what is right for others. Grieving is individual...tears won't bring Wade back...take one day at a time.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Like the purple spiderwort, a native around here. Hope all is smoothing out, I think of you each day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is that what that purple flower is. I saw it growing a yard of a house that is undergoing a renovation and it caught my eye.

      Delete
  14. A couple of thoughts (but you know that all of the advice you are getting from us friends is just that --our thoughts, and you also need to take everything with a grain of salt and then do what is RIGHT just for you):
    -Get some professional help with your financials (a friend or someone you trust); You don't need to be tackling all of that alone and by yourself...
    -Find a Grief Support Group --where you may (or may not) get some good advice from those who have been where you are; Some of these groups are better than others ---and you certainly don't need to go to a "Poor Me" Group....

    Just do what you do when you walk: Put one foot in front of the other --and keep walking, one step at a time... Do NOT feel guilty because everyone experiences grief differently. You are just YOU.... We love you!!!!!

    Take care, my friend.
    Love,
    Betsy

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi, stop in from Anni. I handle most of the money pays the bills. My hubby could take over the bills.
    I once suggest we each do it for six months.
    If you fine the time stop in for a cup of coffee

    ReplyDelete
  16. Normal is always the best way to move forward. It's easy and repeatable.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi Ann, I had cared for my mom since I was a teen, and when she passed away, I literally had trouble putting one foot in front of the other to walk to the mailbox. Do what is necessary for you. Grief is dealt with in so many ways by different folks. I hope it gives you comfort to know how many of us love you and are praying for you during the difficult days. There will be quiet days ahead when everything settles down, that will be even harder, but my prayers will continue. Love you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh sweetie, please be gentle with yourself. When my Mom passed I went into "business mode". I was only able to grieve properly one year after. Sending love x.

    ReplyDelete
  19. You are the epitome of Zen, my dear!!! You can't change a thing so... you're not in anguish as if you think you can. You're not looking back and you're not looking forward... you're looking at where your feet are planted today. I admire you, Ann, and am grateful to know you. You are an inspiration to me. Still holding you close in thought & prayer, Andrea XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  20. Both are very lovely pictures of the flowers you found on your walk. What you just described I think is a pretty normal response. When my dad passed away (and yes I know it's different from a spouse) I found myself feeling guilty about enjoying listening to music, laughing, even being intimate with my husband because I felt I shouldn't be enjoying life since my dad had just died. It took several months before I finally realized that my dad wouldn't want me to go on grieving to the point that I wasn't any good to anyone else. He enjoyed life and I soon realized that even though it hurt that he was gone I still needed to live and be happy. Focusing on what you find "normal" isn't a bad thing at all my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I know we are similar in many ways and I know that I would be avoiding the things I should be doing. One reason would be because I don't want to do them but the other would make it all too real and that is painful to face. Holding you close in my thoughts. Wish I lived nearby so I could sit with you. Walks are great for your mind. Keep walking. Mark gets all the bills emailed to him also but I made sure that we got a paper copy too. Take your time. Love, Debby

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dear Ann, I have no words but as Mildred said, we love you and are praying for you each day. {hugs}

    ReplyDelete
  23. I know from experience we all grieve differently - some people carry on as best they can and others climb into bed and hide from the world. I'm the kind of person who has to keep on moving no matter how much pain I'm in. You sound like you're the same and probably still in shock. Just do the best you can and take it one day at a time - one minute at a time if needed. More HUGS

    ReplyDelete

Thoughts, opinions, constructive criticism, it's all good to me.
I will delete all spam comments however, so don't even bother trying!

Related Posts with Thumbnails