Friday, August 17, 2018

Thoughts


I wasn't going to bother posting about this but this is a good way to get it out and let it go. In the past two months, I have heard all kinds of things. Most of it has been the typical sorry for your loss. There have been a few things said that even though I let them slide at the time, they really did annoy me.
Here they are, in no particular order.
  • "insert name of person," said that you aren't going to be able to afford to stay in your house. Someone told me that one about a week after the funeral. I had no idea that anyone knew that much about my finances. 
  • You really didn't have that much of a marriage, did you?
  • Well, it's not like you guys were that close. Yes, these last two comments were really made. Maybe Wade and I didn't have the best marriage, but that didn't make the loss any less painful. I suppose people thought that because I was married to an alcoholic and we didn't spend a lot of time together like most couples do that it was insignificant. 
  • This last one I just hear the other day. Are you still in your house?
I have to wonder how many people in this town are waiting to see how long before the moving van shows up in my driveway. Maybe they are even taking bets to see who get the date right. 

22 comments:

Ginny Hartzler said...

This is awful! And to be hit with this so soon after. Bringing you down even further. I am glad you posted this, maybe in some way it has helped.

Sandra said...

I was so relieved to not find something I said here, sometimes my thoughts come out in a wrong way but I would never say any of these. I have heard a lot of people talk about the things they have heard when a family member dies, these three are new and horrible. so now all you have to do is prove them wrong and hope to never cross their path again..... glad you got it all out... love the flowers and the pot.

Sharkbytes said...

People are gonna disappoint. I hope you can do whatever you want with the house, whether it's stay or move someplace smaller.

Lin said...

Oh, dear lord. What people say! Okay...I'm really bad at sticking my foot in my mouth...but these are just horrible and I'm sorry that they were said.

Honestly, I don't think they want you out of the house as much as they put themselves in your situation and wonder if they could stay where they live. I think most comments like that come from their own fears and have nothing to do with you.

You will do what YOU want to do...and in your own time. You have to come up with a witty comeback for that stuff. After my brother and I were leaving for college, everyone would ask my mom if she was staying in the house and could she afford it. My mom would tell them that she was renting rooms to truckers to make ends meet. She wasn't, of course, but it shut them up pretty darn quick. You may borrow that one--might be fun to use it.

peggy said...

Lin, I love your post, you said just the right thing to Ann. Ann, it doesn't surprise me that those kinds of things were said. People are just stupid sometimes, and seems like material things are utmost in our minds. My situation was probably a lot like yours when my husband died in 1998. You do what you feel is right and disregard the unwanted and unneeded input from others. Beautiful flowers to go with the sweet bird vase.

CrystalChick said...

Sometimes when people don't know what to say, they just try for something. I don't know how many times I've said the wrong thing... too many probably. Of course, other times... people are just flat out rude.

BeadedTail said...

Holy cow! I know people say rude things but these are on a whole new level! Especially the comments about your marriage! It is nobody's business what was going on behind closed doors with your marriage or your finances and for them to comment like that says a lot about them more than you. People who would dare say these things have something lacking in their life and are projecting it on you to make them feel better. It's sad and something you don't need in your life now or ever. When someone makes a snarky, uncalled for comment like this, feel pity for them that they feel so poorly about themselves that they have to say it and hold your head high because you're strong and resourceful and will do whatever you need to do.

Sandee said...

Oh my. People really need to think about what they are going to say before they open their mouths. How awful.

Everyone handles loss differently. I think you're doing just fine. You've tackled the hard things head on and you keep moving forward. You're working and letting us know how you're doing. I appreciate that very much. For those of us that love you we do worry about you going it alone. It's natural. We love you and want the best for you.

Have a blessed day and weekend, my friend. Big healing hugs to you and tons of scritches to Gibbs. ♥♥♥

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

Oh dear Ann ~ I am sorry you've had these hurtful things said to you. People can be so cruel with words.

Love & hugs for you ~ FlowerLady

Ann Thompson said...

Yes, now I can leg it go

Ann Thompson said...

I'm only 9 payments away from it being paid off. I think I'll stay

Ann Thompson said...

LOL I love that come back. I'll have to remember that the next time someone asks me about the house

Ann Thompson said...

I don't think they were meant to be hurtful they just didn't choose their word very carefully and they rubbed me the wrong way the more I thought about them.

Ann Thompson said...

I know they were trying to be comforting but honestly they failed lol

Ann Thompson said...

Like I've said to others I don't think they meant to be rude or cruel if just came across that way.. what a lot of people don't know about me is that the more they doubt my ability to succeed, the more determined I am to prove them wrong

Ann Thompson said...

Yep, that's really all these comments were. Attempts to be sympathetic that failed because they didn't think before they spike

Betsy Banks Adams said...

Oh My Goodness.... This almost made me cry. You are such a wonderful lady --and don't deserve this... People may not mean to be so cruel --but they certainly can be... Dang!

I just posted on FB today about how our WORDS can do so much harm... (This was before I read your post.)

Blessings to you...
Hugs,
Betsy

Ann Thompson said...

I know what you mean. I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt my feelings they just didn't stop to think about what they were saying

bichonpawz said...

Honestly...what the hell is wrong with some people? People need to make sure that their brain is engaged before their mouth gets put in gear! Uncalled for! It is nobody's business but your own. Now...you can let it go! Hugs to you xoxo

Reeni said...

How awful! People can be so insensitive! I'm sorry you have to deal with this! You have such amazing strength! HUGS

Pam said...

People don’t realize what they say at times esp when searching for the right thing at a time like this.... just don’t let what they say hurt you. Keep your chin up and keep on keeping on....

Debby@Just Breathe said...

People can be so thoughtless. They need to think before they speak and also put themselves in your shoes. ((HUGS))

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