Wednesday, October 24, 2018

A story I wasn't going to tell

I was going to keep this off the blog but since I hinted at it yesterday and some of you asked questions I decided what the heck, why not. This could get long so if you aren't in the mood for long you might want to stop here. Otherwise grab a cup of coffee and I'll begin my tale.

Yes, my mother recently passed away. As a matter of fact it was 5 days before Wade passed away. My mother and I were not close. I respected the fact that she was my mother but that was about it. She divorced my father when I was about 10. From there she went on to marry 2 other men. I lived with her for a couple of years until she moved out of the school district and then I moved back with my father where I stayed until I got married. My mother had other more important things to worry about. I was simply the spoiled rotten brat.

When I was 13 she had another child with her second husband. I will refer to her as my mothers daughter from her second marriage. (MDFSM) Since my mother rarely lived close to me I really didn't get to know MDFSM. Once she was an adult wherever she lived, my mother lived. I can't recall how long ago it was that my mother moved back here saying that MDFSM had kicked her out and said she couldn't live with her any more. For my sanity I maintained the "respect because she was my mother" thing. If she called me I would be courteous and civil but I did not go out of my way to make contact with her. I couldn't take the conversations that revolved around every ache and pain, how she wasn't going to be on this earth for much long and then the breakdown on MDFSM and her children. Every Christmas card, birthday card and every other card she ever sent was a complaint about her diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis and all the other ailments. Just once it would have been nice to get a card that just said Merry Christmas plain and simple.

Lets fast forward to this past June. She passed away on the 8th. MDFSM sent my daughter a text message telling her. When my daughter asked if she was going to contact me MDFSM said no. She told my daughter that there was no funeral or service, they were having her cremated because supposedly that's what my mother wanted. She and her husband were cleaning out the apartment and if there was anything my daughter wanted she needed to be there by such and such a date. End of story.

I can't remember how long after Wade died I got a comment on my blog from MDFSM asking if I saw her other comment. I went back and found a comment (on the blog mind you) saying that my mother never changed the beneficiary on her life insurance policy and I was still listed as the beneficiary. If I wanted the paper work I needed to give her my address. I sent her my address through email as well as through facebook messenger but never heard another word from her.

Now fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I got a letter from the insurance company where my mother had her life insurance policy. They say they need additional information. They need a certified death certificate. I've tried to contact MDFSM but she will not answer my emails or facebook messages.  I have no idea where she lives so I have no physical address for her nor do I have a phone number. I have no idea what funeral home handled the cremation and I don't know my mother's social security number which is needed to apply for the death certificate. I called the insurance company and they suggested going to the social security administration. They said that since I'm a family member they would give me that information.

When I went to the SSA on Monday and told the lady what I wanted she said she couldn't give me that. I asked what she suggested, calling all the funeral homes in the area until I find the one who handled the cremation? I told her the entire story and gave her copies of my birth certificate, marriage certificate from marriage one and two to prove who I was. After talking with her she made copies of everything and said she would look into it and get back to me.

So that is where I'm at right now. This whole thing could be a whole lot easier if MDFSM would just provide the needed info. I'm also wondering if there was a will because at one time my mother had said that she had listed me as the executor of her will. Of course she could have had that changed but I have no idea. Honestly, one way or the other I don't really care, I'm just curious. As for the insurance money, when MDFSM first mentioned it I thought perfect, this could go a long way to making life easier right now. HA!!! fooled me. I know that MDFSM is most likely furious that I was listed as beneficiary because I'm sure she feels that she is more deserving. Not my problem. As I see it, my mother was never really there for me when I was growing up so this would sort of be a way of her finally helping me out. We'll see how it goes.

MDFSM knows about my blog and has read it in the past. I'm curious as to whether or not she ever reads it now and if she does how she'll feel about this post. It's really not meant to slam her it's just to tell my story and she's part of it.

And there you have it. It's just always something.

26 comments:

  1. I am so sorry! She was certainly not the best mom to you. Please keep me posted. Yes, just another really stressful thing you have to deal with now. And you have had more than your share. I will be praying that things start to look up, and you get that money! I know that you need it.

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    1. Thanks Ginny. It will work out one way or another

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  2. Oh my word, Ann!!!!!!!! Well, as you said, I hope you get some sort of windfall from the life insurance policy. It truly would be your mom coming through for you as the last act of her earthly life. I'll be praying for exactly that, honey. Here's to mothers being better late than never, Andrea xoxo

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  3. I am glad you shared this with us, the blog is for good news and bad news and stories of our lives and this one is just one more piece of how life has treated you badly in the past few months. prayers and hugs to you and prayers that SS will come through with that number you need. to me it should be the insurance company getting all that is needed, not the beneficiary... so sorry for one more thing to deal with

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  4. Ah, family. I love family--NOT.

    Do you know the county of where she died? I think Grace had some good ideas on how to get the certificate. I think it can be done, but it may be some legwork. Hopefully the SS person will help, but do some homework to see what else can be done if she can't help.

    I'm sorry you have this on top of everything else. Just be prepared for a small insurance policy. Rarely are they a windfall.

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    1. $500 is a "windfall" to someone who is pinching pennies. xoxo That's what I meant. I didn't think it would be hundreds or even tens of thousands.

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    2. I do know the county she died in. I'm sure the policy is a small one and even smaller once the govt gets their share. Any amount will be welcome though

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    3. “Generally speaking, when the beneficiary of a life insurance policy receives the death benefit, this money is not counted as taxable income, and the beneficiary does not have to pay taxes on it.”



      Read more: Do beneficiaries pay taxes on life insurance? | Investopedia https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/102015/do-beneficiaries-pay-taxes-life-insurance.asp#ixzz5Uu7x9PdF
      Follow us: Investopedia on Facebook

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    4. I was the 401K Plan Administrator for our company and I just prepare people for what may or may not be coming their way as a beneficiary. "Windfall" is a subjective term. I just prepare you that sometimes it is not very large...but what "large" means to you or me or someone else is very different. If it costs you $100 to do the legwork and you are only getting $125...then is it worth the effort?? I'm not being negative, just realistic.

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    5. There is no tax to the beneficiary on life insurance proceeds.

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  5. 1. If this person texted your daughter then you DO have her phone number.
    2. If you know where your mother was living, then you have her address.(Return address on cards she sent?) She had to be cremated by a funeral home/crematorium, and yes, you do start there, either phone calls or emails or by checking their web sites.
    3. I'm assuming you know your mother's maiden name and "married" name, whatever she was using at the time of her death - this is important info.
    4. Other relatives of your mother? Do you know them? Can you contact them.
    5. Regardless of the circumstances deaths ARE REPORTED. You just need to find out where she died.

    If you email me this information I can do some of the legwork for you. Research is my thing and I've got nothing but time to do this.

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  6. I hope you get this sorted out and that it does make your life easier. Got my fingers and toes crossed.

    Have a fabulous day, Ann. Big hug to you and tons of scritches to Gibbs. ♥♥♥

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    1. Yet another thing I am ready to put behind me and be done with it

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  7. Lots on your shoulders, wish I could help someway. Hope is the best thoughts.

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    1. You guys showing up here and keeping me company on the blog is he'll enough

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  8. Glad you shared more of your story dear Ann. I did not have a good relationship with my Mom after she married husband #3. I wouldn't count on a windfall either. I think it is kind of Grace to offer to help you with this.

    Love, hugs & prayers for you ~ FlowerLady

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    1. $500 can be considered a "windfall" to someone who is pinching their pennies, so to speak. That's what I meant by "windfall". xoxo

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  9. Gosh, that does sound complicated. So sorry you are going through all this.That does like great advice from Grace. Sure hope you can get it all straightened out. It is so darn hard to deal with all that stuff. Take care Ann and good luck to you.

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  10. She passed away 5 days before Wade. Oh my, I'm so sorry. I know you were not close but still to lose two people so close together had to be hard on your heart. This is some story your shared. I pray that things will be worked out and that you do get money from the insurance company. You definitely deserve it. Being a mother it is so hard to believe that their are woman out there that really only think about themselves. My heart hurts for you. ((Hugs))

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  11. OH goodness all this stuff was happening at once! I'm sorry! I hope they can help you and I hope it's enough to make your life more comfortable or at least pay off your mortgage! That would be awesome. Big HUGS

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    1. Yeah, I can't ever have things go the simple easy way...lol

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  12. Wow I can't imagine how that must have been as a child for you and even now how this is going with you 1/2 sister. It always amazes me when families have issues like this. I hope you get it all sorted out though.

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  13. This is a rough story and I am glad you shared it with us. I am cheering for you to find all you need so you will receive the life insurance, which will be a blessing no matter the amount.

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    1. Thanks. Yes, any amount will help that's for sure

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