Monday, March 7, 2011

A year

What a difference a year can make. The other day I was going back through my files checking out some old pictures and I found this one.
A rather odd picture I suppose and I don't know why I actually took it. All I can say is that last year on March 7th I was feeling very sad. This was taken on my back deck. That box and those bags contain everything that I could stuff in them from my sons room. You see at this time last year things were very stressful around here. So stressful that I was forced to make the decision of kicking my son out of the house. I packed all his stuff up and threw it out in the front yard and told him if he wanted it there it was. Over the past year there were several confrontations with him but mostly it was nothing. No calls saying "happy birthday mom" or "happy mother's day" or even "hi, what ya doing?"
I prayed, I hoped and yet nothing.  One of the last things I heard from him was that as far as he was concerned he didn't have a mother. He was angry and I was heartbroken. We make choices in life though, good or bad, wrong or right, we have to live with them and go on.
This story does have a happy ending. My son did finally start turning his life around, and we are now on good terms again. I've let go of the hurt feeling and so has he.  I know through all of this he felt like I hated him but what he didn't know was that no matter what your children may do in life you always love them. I guess when I see this picture now it reminds me that there is always hope no matter how rough things may be. The road may have been bumpy but the final destination was worth the ride. I think that both of us have grown.

38 comments:

Donna said...

Thank goodness he came around! It had to pain you deeply at the time, but sometimes you have to draw the line and stick to it! I'm proud of you!!!

Betsy from Tennessee said...

A story with a wonderful ending, Ann... I loved it--the ending that is.... I am so glad that your son has turned his life around... You did the right thing though when you kicked him out. So many parents enable their kids' bad choices and behavior...

You did the 'tough love' thing--and that is GOOD.. That is probably why he has straightened out his life now. He obviously has grown up.. That is so GOOD....

Congrats for being a great mother--even in the stressful times.
Hugs,
Betsy

Ginny said...

Oh my, I know there is a story here: painful, angst ridden, heartbreaking, yet full of hope. I went through something similar with my son, though not as abrupt. We gave him a deadline. I am still not at peace with it, but he never mentions it after 20 years and we are on terms like it never happened. But in my heart...I wonder. Believe me, I understand.

LDH said...

I my opinion, parenting is the hardest thing ever. Each child is so different. We have had many hard moments too. Happy to hear your boy is heading in the right direction! :)

Helen said...

Your prayed had been heard. So glad to hear you and your son are on good terms. I think this country make parenting the hardest.

komodo said...

good morning
it's nice to see your blog
good content and easy to navigate
very good

Lin said...

Wow. What a turnaround since last year, eh? I'm glad it did. Sometimes that doesn't happen, you know. I'm glad it did for the both of you. But it is good that you drew a line in the sand for him.

Ann said...

Donna, one of the hardest things I had to do but at the same time it was a huge relief once I did it

Betsy I think I enabled him for too long and enough was enough.

Ginny far too many details to go in to on a blog, but yes. I understand about the wondering because even though things are good now sometimes you just never know

LDH parenting is very hard especially when you're doing it the way you're supposed to...lol

Helen I never realized just how hard it was going to be.

komodo, thanks

lin I guess I consider myself lucky that it was a short amount of time. I know of people who haven't spoken to their children in decades. We all have to draw the line somewhere don't we

Tanyia said...

Ann, I am so happy that things are going well between you and Brad, you of all people, deserve it. You deserve the closeness and love and support that was not there for you when you needed it. I love you. ((hugs))

Reeni said...

I was feeling really sad at the beginning of this - thank goodness everything worked out!

BeadedTail said...

I'm glad there was a happy ending to this! How heartbreaking for both of you for what you went through but thankfully things are better now. Hugs to you!

Anny said...

Wonderful end to a story. I'm glad your son finally came around. When we are angry.. we tend to say hurtful things. Counting 1-10 helps.. sometimes only.

That's all history :) May you both have lots of joyful days ahead.

Anny said...

Oh.. i do love the picture.. there's a nice textured feel to the background :)

Duni said...

Oh, I'm so glad this story has a happy ending. I'm happy for both of you. I hope your relationship continues to grow and strengthen.

Josep said...

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Your post is very heartwarming and I'll keep praying for happy endings every day.

Jen said...

That's why they call it "tough love" ('cause it is :o) I'm SO glad it all worked out for both of you; sometimes a good kick to the keister is what it takes to help them find the right direction again.

Marg said...

Ann, that sure sounds like a rough time for you. Sure glad it all worked out for both of you. You made a tough decision and I believe it was the right decision.Hope things continue to be all right. Big hugs to you.

Russ aka Grampy said...

Children can really break your heart at times. I feel you did the right thing and I am glad it turned out well. I agree 100% with Tanyia.

FishHawk said...

I can certainly empathize with you on this, and I hope to experience the same happy ending with my own son. It is sure not looking good now, however.

Pat said...

so glad you had a happy ending xx

Sandra said...

happy endings make me happy and there are more people who need to do what you did. i watch friends let their children destroy their own lives and take the parents down with them. i went through this with my oldest son, he was on a revolving door syndrome, moving in and out in and out and a lot of other things. he is 46 now and when he was 32 i said out and this is the last time you move back in so watch your step. we did stay on good terms though, not like this. anyway after we said no more move in's he called and said mom i can't pay my rent so it looks like i will be living in my car. i said honey, park it in a safe place when you sleep. and guess what, he paid the rent. my other son is estranged now, and i am hoping some day for a happy ending like yours.

Zach said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zach said...

This story melted my heart. I could relate to it. My mom has been so patient with me. Despite all of my mistakes, she is always there willing to accept me.

This reminds me of the saying that goes something like this, most women can give birth to a child but not all of them can be called a "mother". Your son is blessed to have you, Ann. :)

livintheblues said...

I was in the same boat with mine a few years ago..it's not an easy thing to do.... but I did the same thing....

Karen said...

That would have been a very hard thing to do but you did it because you love him. I'm glad to hear he is making better choices.

Alan said...

I'm so pleased to hear your story has a happy ending and that things are better now!

Out on the prairie said...

Very nice to have it change for the good. I think we try to give out kids too much and it can work bad sometimes when they expect too much from us.

♥ Sallie said...

Aww. What a touching story!

That picture takes on a whole new meaning for me now!

Hugs,

allotments4you said...

You made one of the hardest decisions in a parents life...nut you did it for the love of your son and I'm sure he can see that now...Though I doubt he will understand how hard it was for you to give him the chance he needed to turn himself around until he is faced with a similar situation....then he will love you even more for what you put yourself through for him. xx

Ann said...

Tanyia thanks sis, and hugs back to you

Reeni well so far anyway

beaded tail yes, thankfully things are good for now. Lets just hope they stay that way

Anny He still has a long way to go I think. I know exactly what you mean about saying things in the heat of the moment, things you can never take back

duni me too :)

josep they say that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger so I guess I can look at this as a good thing

Jen you bet it is, lets just hope I don't have to administer any more kicks :)

Marg it was very stressful and I was not a very nice person to be around..lol

russ oh boy can they ever. and they know how to play you too

fishhawk I hope that your sons story takes a turn for the better.

Pat thanks

Sandra I know people also who tolerate way too much and then wonder why their kids aren't going anywhere. The story of your son saying he would be sleeping in his car reminds me of a episode I had with my daughter. I hope things will turn around with your other son

Zach mothers are like that, it's that unconditional love thing :) Thank you for your kind words, much appreciated

lvintheblues it's nice to know that I'm not alone and you're right, it's not easy at all

karen you are absolutely right, it was the best thing for all of us

alan thanks

out on the prairie live and learn I guess

sallie thanks,

allotments4you I'm sure that there is no way for him to really know what it's like to be the parent in that situation. Hopefully he'll never have to know for sure.

gayle said...

I am so very glad this ended well, for a minute there I was hurting so badly for you!!

Catherine said...

Tough love is the hardest love for a mother to have I think. But it sounds like you did the right thing in the end. I'm so glad things have been getting better between the two of you. A sad photo with a very happy ending indeed!

Warm hugs Ann!
xo Catherine

DSS said...

What a wonderful story! My mother and I aren't on the best of terms, for so many reasons, and it gives me hope to know that a child/mother relationship can turn around :) I pray that happens for us.

Isn't it amazing what a photo can bring back? The emotions! It's like being transported back to a time/place just by looking at it. I feel that way about certain photos of my dad. Thank God for photos :)

Tammy said...

I'm glad to hear that things worked out. Sometimes they don't know what is good for them. It takes tuff love to help them see the way. It just shows what a great mom you are.

Ann said...

gayle it was a rough time, i'm glad I got through it

catherine I guess it's true that time heals all wounds

Dss funny thing is that a year ago, this picture made me want to cry, now i can smile at it.

tammy aw thanks, I haven't always felt like I was such a great mother that's for sure.

Miawa said...

Oh yes Annie, some times love choices can be "enabling" and it takes more love than they can imagine when young, to use your motherly love to make them grow. You are a good mommy and I'm so glad he finally figured that out.

Sharkbytes said...

Ann- been there. Sometimes it has to be done. I'm glad things are going in the right direction. Sorry to hear you had to go through it, though.

Ann said...

Miawa thanks, it's hard to admit to yourself that enabling is what you are actually doing

sharkbytes it's a shame it had to come to that but there's only so much you can take

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